Monday, May 1, 2017

Overpopulation Problem Fuels Anti-Baby Sentiment World-Wide

There are close to 7 billion human beings on earth today, and experts project that there may be up to 10.5 billion in 2050.  

Population growth is one of the biggest challenges facing our world today.   The world population has doubled since 1965, and as a result, parking spaces are fewer and farther between, lines are longer at grocery stores worldwide, and it is nearly impossible to hail a cab.  As frustration levels rise, anti-baby sentiment is increasing.

“Babies are a real problem,” says environmental activist Julie Ladybug.  “The earth can’t even sustain those of us who are already here.  I don’t know who these babies think they are to barge in and compete with us for limited resources.  They act innocent but I think they know exactly what they are doing.”

It is not only environmental activists who have turned against babies.  The American Teachers Union has taken a formal stand against babies.  “Our classrooms are already overcrowded,” says fifth grade teacher Lynn Campbell.  “Every year, our class sizes get a little bigger.  Population growth is killing us.  The Teachers Union says “No!” to babies.

Perhaps the most shocking population to turn against babies are the domestic beagles, who have formed an organization called Beagles Against Babies Everywhere (BABE).  These highly organized hounds have jumped on the anti-baby bandwagon, claiming that a new baby in the family, “takes attention away from us.  Our walks get shorter.  We get fewer baths.  All in all, babies are a bum deal,” says Patches. 

This year’s International Summit For Population Control will be held in Tokyo, Japan, a country known for its success in achieving zero population growth.  The Summit will host concerned citizens from all around the globe who are tired of not being able to get into a movie on opening night, frustrated with the lack of room in the overhead compartments on airplanes, and displeased with having to sit at the counter in their favorite local diners. 

The Chairperson of this year’s summit, Yoshi Nakagawa, had this to say about Japan’s success in decreasing its baby population.  “Aversion techniques are the key to our success.  On billboards all over Japan, babies are depicted as demonic creatures who leave death and destruction in their wake.  The Japanese movie industry has made its contribution by producing horror movie sequels such as ‘Rosemary’s Baby Destroys Manhattan,’ in which a devil baby single-handedly brings down an entire metropolis,  and  ‘Babies on a Train’—an Oedipal horror film in which two baby boys meet on a train and formulate a scheme to kill one another’s imperfect but well-meaning fathers, so that they can marry their mothers.  The end result of all this anti-baby media is that in Japan, we simply do not trust babies anymore.”

But what about how “cute” and “sweet” babies allegedly are?  This overused argument has been used for centuries to excuse babies from their contribution to the global overpopulation problem.  If babies want to regain their status as useful and welcome citizens, they are going to have to do better than that.  Many babies were contacted regarding this article.  Very few called back.  Those who did had very little to say in their own defense.

Written by Diana Shapiro
*Writer's Comment:  Despite the silliness of this article, overpopulation is, in fact, a serious problem and one that we should all educate ourselves about.


  1. This is going to be a hit.... Diana you will soon be rich! RICH I tell you. However overpopulation is a serious issue. Estimates are that by 2020 there will be too many people to feed... but the real problem is not too many people nor is it an unsustainable food system, nor global warming, nor religious and ideological fundamentalism. The real problem is stupidity and the advance of the marching morons... just you wait and see... the sad thing is that I may still be alive to suffer through it. The only bright spot is that hopefully no-one will live to tell about it:) Hooray!

  2. by "morons", you mean "babies," right?

  3. Babies also suck our society dry by reducing adult productivity through their nefarious schemes to sleep-deprive their parents. Not to mention all of the money they require to simply stay alive--money that could otherwise be spent on iPads and Ford F150's. And they're really pretty hideous-looking when you think about it.

  4. This guy seems to have his own depraved agenda.

  5. A riot! Go, Diana!

  6. @Diana: Oh my bad... babies. You neglected to mention that they are a real hazard too... what with eclampsia, Propagation of Swineflu and teenage driving...

  7. The thing is, the breeders wont stop. They are selfish filth. Even if you educate them they still want to shit out their very own mini-mes instead of being a decent human being and caring for the millions of people already suffering here.

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  9. What I wouldn't give to know who these Anonymous responders are! Some of them appear to be almost as weird as me...