Thursday, September 20, 2012

Alleged Terrorist's Jacket Found at Detroit Metro Airport

Detroit, MI

The jacket of an alleged terrorist was found this morning at Detroit Metro Airport.  The abandoned jacket was discovered at 10 a.m. by an airport janitor, who immediately notified her supervisor of the potential security risk.  Airport staff declared a red alert, canceled all scheduled departures and re-routed arrivals through nearby airports.

Airport security officers inspected the jacket for weapons and illegal substances but found none.  Dominic "Dom" Cluck, Chief of Security at DMA had this to say, "Make no mistake. Whoever did this meant to intimidate the American people.  The  menacing symbol in the lower left quadrant of the garment probably represents a dangerous, new Middle Eastern terrorist organization.  Probably an Islamist group or maybe a Muslim or Arab group.  Most likely one of those three possibilities."

Police have only one lead thus far, a seven year-old American girl by the name of Yumi Ota.  "She turned herself in at 12:35 this afternoon," reported Detective Thomas Hill of the FBI.  "So far, she is cooperating with the investigation but denies terrorist connections."  Ota claims she forgot the jacket when she and her parents boarded a 9:25 a.m. United flight to Chicago.  "We are fairly certain she's hiding something, but so far we can't prove anything." 

In Washington, President Obama is advocating for the release of the young suspect.  "This is an embarrassment.  Let's just give the girl back her jacket and pretend all this never happened."

 Republican presidential challenger Mitt Romney has criticized Obama's position, calling him "dangerously naive" and "weak on security."  Romney said that if he were President, "the suspect would be strapped to the top of a moving vehicle by now" in an effort to get her to confess.

Mrs. Edith Rosenblatt, Ota's homeroom teacher at Greenleaf Elementary, outside of Detroit, remarked that "Yumi is an outstanding student whose future looked bright.  What a shame that she's thrown it all away to pursue a life of Islamist terrorism." 

Flights to and from Detroit Metro Airport are canceled until further notice.  Michigan Governor Rick Snyder (R) requests that all Americans go shopping immediately in order to show their patriotism and solidarity with the innocent victims of today's incident.

Written by Diana Shapiro
Photo courtesy of

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