Sunday, February 12, 2017

The Rotting Onion Apologies for Long Absence

Berkeley, CA
Three Rotting Onion staff members on
November 9, 2016 .

The staff of The Rotting Onion would like to apologize for its long silence since November 9, 2016.  Coincidentally, since the day after the Presidential election,  there was an outbreak of a rare medical syndrome that affected all of our staff writers.

Strangely, all of their illnesses started with with nausea and tension headaches, followed by acid reflux, diarrhea and stress-induced psoriasis.

Amazingly, all of our staff writers also came down with  the same mental health problems on November 9, 2016, including panic attacks, insomnia, and Tourrette Syndrome.

As if that wasn't enough coincidence, all of our staff writers reported the same tics associated with their Tourrette Syndrome, a vocal tic ("Asshole!") followed with a motor tick (grimace of disgust).

Fortunately, their troublesome symptoms seem to be fading, and they have all resumed their posts. The cause of the outbreak remains unknown and is currently under investigation.  In accordance with the times, if the Rotting Onion management team fails to discover the actual reason for the outbreak, we will blame it on women, Muslims, immigrants, gays, and, of course, the Jews.

Written by Diana Shapiro
First photo courtesy of
Second photo courtesy of

No comments:

Post a Comment