Thursday, November 10, 2016

Lord Voldemort Elected President of Hogwarts Academy

Wednesday, November 9, 2016  

In a major upset today, Lord Voldemort was elected President of Hogwarts over Professor McGonagal after losing the popular vote by a 2% margin.  

In a tight race, Professor McGonagal lost 666 crucial electoral college votes when Slytherin House went for You-Know-Who at 1 a.m. this morning.

Students in the other three houses (Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, and Ravenclaw) are shocked at today's result.  

"I never thought it could happen," said Hermione Granger of Gryffindor.  "Professor McGonagal was beyond qualified.  She was the best Transfiguration Professor Hogwarts ever had.  Besides, she served in the Ministry of Magic for two years and was a member of the Order of the Phoenix.  I think people voted against her simply because she was half Muggle.  The anti-Muggle sentiment these days has been horrifying."

Cedric Diggory of Hufflepuff expressed outrage over today's upset.  "I understand some students may have had a personal vendetta against Professor McGonagal because she's a tough grader, but is that any reason to vote for the Dark Lord, the leader of the death eaters?  Professor Trelawney predicted all of this in Divination class, if only the students had listened."

All over Hogwarts Academy, students are whispering to one another nervously about President-Elect You-Know-Who.  The atmosphere is tense.  Not even the Weasley twins are joking today.

By contrast, the mood in Slytherin House is triumphant.  According to Draco Malfoy, "We were tired of the usual suspects.  We wanted a real political outsider, someone we could relate to. Voldemort's one of us.  He's got  zero credentials, no experience to speak of, and dubious intentions."  

Professor McGonagal did not deliver her concession speech until 3 a.m. on this morning.  She spoke of the peaceful transfer of power that has always been a hallmark of Hogwarts.  However, she also warned students of a continuing need to organize against death eaters, Mugglephobia, and dark wizardry.  

Harry Potter of Gryffindor could not be found today, but rumor has it that he is already hard at work, hurriedly training a student army of resistance for January's transfer of power. 

President-Elect Voldemort addressed Hogwarts this morning, saying that it was "time to unite"  and that he "wanted to be the president for all the Hogwarts students,"except" he added with an evil grin, "Muggles, Ravenclaws, Hufflepuffs and Gryffindors!!!"  He then burst into villainous laughter, while his advisers quickly led him off stage.  

Written by Diana Shapiro
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