Thursday, June 23, 2011

U.S. Airways Enforces Dress Code

Unnamed U.S. Airways Passenger
On  June 9, an unnamed male passenger boarded a US Airways flight from Ft. Lauderdale to Phoenix, scantily clad in women's underwear and thigh high stockings.  He was allowed to fly with no questions asked.  Six days later, a 20 year old passenger named Deshon Marman was taken off a US Airways flight and arrested after refusing to pull his sagging pants up on a flight from San Francisco to Albuquerque.

Concerns over the apparent double standard have caused fear and confusion among citizens, who are uncertain as to which fashion faux pas will be deemed acceptable, and which will be deemed unacceptable and lead to possible disqualification from air travel.

Until recently, US Airways had no written dress code, leaving passengers to make their own fashion choices.  Naturally, some of those choices were more tasteful than others.  But just how bad did an outfit have to be for an individual to be asked to deboard a plane?  And were flight attendants to make these difficult decisions based entirely on subjective opinion?

Due to the recent confusion, U.S. Airways  has published a dress code, making itself the pioneer of fashion in the airline industry.  "We had to take a stand on this crucial issue," remarked Scott Kirby, President of US Airways, "lest people think they could just throw any old outfit together and expect to get on a flight.  You'd be shocked to see the absurd color combinations people have gotten away with other the years.  The United States needs to improve our global image, and that won't happen until we start looking sharper." 

Here is a list of the eight US Airways Fashion No-No's:

1.  No work clothing with sneakers!  If you are dressed in professional attire, you must wear nice shoes.

2.  No pajamas (or lingerie!) as daywear. 

3.  No Butts!  Your pants must be high enough so that even if you bend over, nothing personal is showing.

4.  No mom jeans! (the matronly, high-waisted variety that makes your butt look long and flat, (often with tapered ankles).  That includes you, Mr. President!

5. No visible pantylines (the whole world doesn't need to know what particular cut of undergarment you prefer). 

6. No yellow pants, under any circumstances.

7.  No white shoes after Labor Day (Please rent Serial Mom, starring Kathleen Turner, for more information.)

8. Beware of absurd color combinations! (Too numerous to list).

Air travelers are reacting to the new rules with a mixture of relief and fear.  Adele Perez, a frequent business traveler from San Francisco, had this to say on the matter.   "I feel much safer now that I know the rules, and I'm actually more likely to fly on US Airways because I know I'll be among well-dressed, nice looking passengers."  Others disagree.  "The last rule is too vague." complains Robert Glick of White Plains, NY.  "I believe this is a kind of reverse discrimination against heterosexual men, who are at a distinct disadvantage when it comes to fashion sense."
Call it a long overdue improvement or a new kind of discrimination, passengers on US Airways are bound to look a lot sharper than travelers on competing airlines.  As for the unnamed passenger pictured above, "It's OK," he told The Rotting Onion, "I already have a bikini top and miniskirt picked out for the return flight."

Written by Diana Shapiro
Photo courtesy of Jill Tartow

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