Wednesday, December 23, 2015

Anti-Aging Cream Recalled After Unexpected Results



Topeka, KS

Like many of her peers, Ester Sims, 87, of Topeka, KS, has not adjusted easily to the aging process.  After having been something of a knockout in her younger years, Ester found the gradual changes in her body to be frustrating and depressing.

So, she compensated for natural hair loss by sporting a youthful blond wig with pigtails and a girlish pink bow on top.  A push-up bra helped her to defy the forces of gravity.  For her wrinkles, Ester recently decided to try Baby's Butt Wrinkle-Free Anti-Aging Cream (tm),  yielding unexpected results.

"I first applied the Baby's Butt last Tuesday, " explains Ester, "and my skin got softer and smoother almost immediately.  I was very pleased." After three days, she started to notice some unexpected side effects.  "First, my body hair started falling out.  Then, I noticed myself shrinking."

Oddly enough, Ester is thrilled with the changes.  "When you think about it, I got more than my money's worth."

Perhaps the most unusual change of all is the whitening of Ester's skin.  "If only Michael Jackson could see me now!," she exclaims gleefully.

However, Ester's two grown children, Rhonda and Jerome, who have been caring for their mother 24/7 since her transformation, are none too pleased.  "It's just weird," reports Rhonda bewilderedly.   "She worked so hard all her life so that I wouldn't have to take a minimum wage job caring for some rich white lady's baby.  And look at me now."

"White people have been looking at me funny for the past few days," complains Jerome.  "I can hear them silently asking, 'what are you doing with that adorable little white baby?'  Do they realize how wrong they are?  I mean, this baby really isn't very cute at all!"

Ester's granddaughter Jean, a pulmonary specialist at St. Francis Hospital in Topeka, KS, reports,  "My main concern is the message that it sends to children to see a baby with a cigarette hanging out of its mouth.  I told my grandmother, "If you want to be a baby, be a baby.  But quit that nasty habit or I'm going to give you a good spanking."

Lou Michaels, owner of Baby's Butt Wrinkle-Free Anti-Aging cream (tm) recalled the product as soon as he heard about Ester Sims.  "My life is such a mess, " laments Michaels.  "My first invention, edible, stick-on goatees for men, was a dismal failure.  So, I went into the nose cozy business.  We all know how successful that turned out to be.  Finally, I thought I'd invented something that would better people's lives and make me a big success in the process. I'm an utter failure."

However, Michaels is not ready to retire just yet.  "I may be an old dog, but I've a couple more tricks up my sleeve.  Have you ever heard of  magnetic underpants?  Guaranteed to never fall down."

Written by Diana Shapiro
Photos courtesy of and



  1. Ester was a real looker! Can't imagine why she thought she needed the cream...?

  2. Will it work on men? If so how can I get it since it has been recalled?