Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Underage Shoplifter Admits to "No-No"

Caught with hot banana
El Cerrito, CA

Lily Garibaldo (2) has earned the dubious honor of being the youngest shoplifter ever  to be arrested at Trader Bill's Grocery Store in El Cerrito, CA.  Lily entered Trader Bill's with her father at approximately 12 p.m. yesterday.  At about 12:10 p.m., surveillance cameras caught Lily brazenly taking a banana off the shelf, peeling it, and eating it.

After the first offense, the cameras proceeded to follow Lily through the aisles.  At 12:18 p.m., Lily took a chocolate bar off the shelf.  At 12:29 p.m., she nabbed a small box of apple juice, presumably to wash down the other stolen items.

"What disturbed me the most," reports Wendy Johnson, Store Manager, "was the smile on her face at the moment of the crime.  If she had shown any mixed feelings, any remorse at all, I might be more inclined to show leniency in this matter."

Two policemen arrived at Trader Bill's promptly at 12:35 p.m.  Lily's father watched in dismay as the officers read Lily her rights.  "We've tried to bring her up right" laments Mr. Garibaldo, "but maybe a few days in the slammer will deter her from the life of a hardened criminal, which is where she seems to be headed."

Reinforcements were called after a first attempt at restraining Lily failed.  "The suspect threw a huge tantrum when we tried to handcuff her," reports Officer Troy Phillips of the El Cerrito police.  "Neither of us knew what to do, so we called our wives for advice.  They told us about the 1-2-3 Magic method, and we had Lily under control in no time."

Lily is currently in police custody and is expected to stand trial early next week.  No bail was set due to the serious nature of the crime.  The suspect has admitted she is guilty of a "no-no" but hopes for leniency due to the fact that "it was lunchtime" and she was "really, really hungry." 

Written by Diana Shapiro
Photo courtesy of


  1. No dilemma here-- do the crime - serve the time !

  2. Loved it, very funny. Love the father's comments, the tantrum and the lack of remorse for the no no. Oh, and I hope they put her in the cell with the plate licker...they can compare notes!