Monday, April 22, 2013

Meditator Gains Insight into Everyone Besides Herself

Joy Luss (48), in her meditation posture.
Berkeley, CA

Joy Luss, (48), has been practicing meditation consistently for over three years.   She originally began in order to bring more peace, clarity, and calm into her busy life.

Her friends and family, however, claim that she is unhappier, angrier, and more impatient than ever before.  They express shock and dismay as to how such a wholesome activity could have led Joy so far astray.

While most meditators appear tranquil and serene on their meditation cushions or benches, Joy looks ready to explode.  Her hand position or "mudra," (usually a physical expression of a beneficent mental state), instead suggests an impending obscene gesture. 

Joy, herself, does not seem to think there is a problem.   "My meditation practice has given me a lot of really valuable insights.  For example, last week, I figured out that my daughter, Penny, has been getting straight A's in school this year just to spite me, because she knows I can't relax when everything is going well.  And then, just this morning, it dawned on me that if my husband weren't a complete control freak, I could buy myself that remote control banana slicer I've had my eyes on since forever.  But no, he insists that every extra cent go into Penny's college savings account. 'You wouldn't want her to be Penny Luss, now would you, honey?'  He thinks he's so funny."

Penny (16) had this to say about her mother's meditation practice,  "Mom, if you're reading this, Dad and I love you and want you to be happy.  Everything used to be so good, and we all got along so well.  Before you started meditating, you had time to grow your chia pets and make those big rubber band balls you used to enjoy so much.  Please, just give it some thought."

Those in Joy's weekly meditation group refused to comment on the matter, stating that it is against their principles to gossip about others. As a result, the Rotting Onion had to go undercover in order to find out what really happens in Joy's meditation group.  I showed up a few minutes late at 7:03 p.m., only to receive a  very dirty look from Joy.  She then insisted on ringing the bell to begin meditation, because apparently, "no one else does it right."  During the actual meditation, I heard various grunts and growls under Joy's breath.  Then, at the end of the evening, she left in a huff saying, "I've gotta get home and let my family have it." 

One thing is certain.  Joy is in dire need of meditation instruction, or she may as well get off the cushion and return to her chia pets and rubber band balls.  Hopefully, she will come to this realization before alienating everyone close to her.  If you are a meditation instructor and believe you can help, please contact The Rotting Onion at 510-JOY-LUSS.

written by Diana Shapiro
photo courtesy of


  1. Diana, that's a riot! As usual when I read these, I start smiling by the second line and the smile grows wider with every sentence until it turns into laughing. I love the remote control banana slicer. I love your mock seriousness and subtle sarcasm. Thanks again for a good laugh. Kate

  2. So funny! The name Joy Luss reminds me of a character from a fantastic (though short running) TV series called Dead Like Me: It sounds like you'd get a kick out of the series, too! Thanks for the posting and fun. V

  3. If she would chane her last name to Full instead of Luss that might make a difference. There is a saying in Hebrew- change your name, change your luck ( destiny). This famously happened in the case of Abraham and in the case of Jacob.