Friday, April 1, 2011

Sloths Protest Name-Calling

San Jose, Costa Rica

Seymour has been organizing today's rally since 1991

Two hundred sloths gathered at a treetop outside of San Jose today in order to peacefully protest the alleged humiliation they suffer at the hands of human beings.  Some carried signs saying "Slow is the way to go!" and "Sloths do it upside down and hanging from a tree!" 

"In 1991, we realized that change was urgent and we'd better organize A.S.A.P.," reported Seymour, one of today's organizers.  "Over the past twenty years, we have distributed flyers and gotten all the necessary permits for the rally.  It was a big push, but we are pleased to say that we got it all done faster than we'd expected."

Committed sloths from nearby tree-tops have spent the past several weeks traveling to the rally.  The  goal of today's protest was both to increase solidarity amongst the slow-moving mammals and also to send a message to humans that they are fed-up with our disrespectful attitude towards them.

"The word 'sloth,'" explained Seymour, "connotes laziness and inertia. Sloth is a moral weakness and is counted among the seven deadly sins.  How would you like it if we called you humans 'Greedies'?"     The Spanish language isn't any more sympathetic towards the sloths, calling them "perezosos" ("lazies").

The slow-moving mammals delivered a unified message at today's protest.  They are tired of being judged and insulted by humans.  They call for an immediate end to the the use of the word "sloth" to identify them.  "We intend to come up with a list of viable alternatives within the next few years," announced Seymour, "but right now, we just need to rest and recover."

Simone, one of today's most outspoken protesters, had this to say about the event, "In a few weeks, I'll figure out how I feel about the way things went today.  We've been planning this for over twenty years so there's no sense in making any snap judgments."


  1. Love it. Clever and funny as usual. You're the best. And what a cute picture. Regards to Simone. Love, Kate

  2. Let's hear it for slow-moving mammals! I know many of them. How dignified!