Donald Trump to Volunteer at Local Animal Shelter

West Palm Beach, Florida

Former President Trump, finding himself with more time on his hands recently, has decided to volunteer at a local, non-profit animal shelter.   

"I'm coming to really appreciate animals, dogs especially," said Mr. Trump.  "They're loyal to a fault.  They don't turn on you no matter how much of a jackass you are.  Whatever absurdity comes out of your mouth doesn't faze them one bit.  I think I've found my perfect audience."

The Former President will devote about 20 hours a week to the shelter, approximately the same amount of time he used to spend on Twitter and Facebook.  "They did me a favor by banning me, " Trump reported.  "Now, I have more time to develop myself as a human being."   Since retirement, Trump has surprised his staff with his choice of activities.  He has learned to knit, and he has taken a ballet intro class for adults.  "I've always had a soft spot for the ballet," Trump admitted.   

With a number of civil and criminal lawsuits bearing down on him, the Former President feels that the busier he stays, the better.  "If I'm not volunteering, I'll have too much time to think and feel bad about all the mean people who want to get me in trouble."  

Unlike the other volunteers, Mr. Trump will not be cleaning cages or walking dogs.  "I've carved a special role out for myself, entertaining the dogs and cats with stories of my successes and exploits."  

The Rotting Onion wishes Mr. Trump well in his new endeavor and suggests that he bring lots of treats to story time in order to ensure its success.