Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Patriotism Leading Cause of Adultery in U.S.

After Newt Gingrich's claim that patriotic urges led him to cheat on his second wife, The Rotting Onion conducted a research study to ascertain the validity of his assertion.

Newt Gingrich shocked the county recently by confessing that, "partially driven by how passionately I felt about this country...... I worked far too hard and things happened in my life that were not appropriate."  Since the interview, Gingrich has been ridiculed and denounced in newspapers and blogs all over America.   But has the media been too quick to judge the Former House Speaker's claim?  

The Rotting Onion has conducted a study of 100 married spouses who have admitted to committing adultery at least once during their marriage.  The results have been astounding.  It is commonly assumed that marital infidelity results from unresolved difficulties within the marital relationship, including boredom, anger, or simply growing apart.  Our study suggests otherwise.

Results of Rotting Onion Study on Marital Infidelity

The following are the top three most common causes for adultery:

 Patriotism/Nationalism (40%)

Forty out of one hundred respondents admitted that patriotic and nationalistic feelings strongly influenced their unfaithful behavior.  The following are excerpts from these confidential interviews. 
- "Any guy wearing red, white, and blue is not safe around me." 

- "I found myself drawn to our son's sixth grade teacher, who could recite the Declaration of Independence AND the Gettysburg Address."

- "When my wife refused to stop eating French Fries during the Gulf War, I lost all interest in her." 

Food Etiquette-35% 
Thirty-five out of one hundred respondents admitted that the way their partner eats drove them into the arms of another.

- "The way my wife slurps her spaghetti is a real turn off.  I found someone who prefers baked  ziti."      

- "My husband licks his fingers when he eats.  When I noticed my co-worker use a napkin, I was irresisibly attracted to him."

- "I needed to find a woman who understood that eating off her plate is how I express my love."


Fifteen out of one hundred respondents admitted that the rising costs of having a spouse led them to explore other options.

"My wife cost me $800 last year in birthday, Christmas, and anniversary gifts, up 1.6% from 2009."

"I married a slightly older man, which I never regretted until he turned 70, and his health insurance was raised by $200/month.  All of a sudden, I found myself ogling Harry, the college student who mows our lawn.  He's still covered under his parents policy, you know."

The remaining respondents cited more conventional reasons for their infidelity:  unresolved conflict within the marriage (6%), lack of quality time with spouse (3%), lack of marital fulfillment (1%).

Based on our study, The Rotting Onion seconds Newt Gingrich in his claim that strong patriotic urges can lead a married man (or woman) astray.  While this is only a preliminary study, it does suggest that recent criticism of the Former Speaker is unfair and unsubstantiated.  Former President Bill Clinton, surprisingly, has spoken out in support of Gingrich's claim.  "Sometimes, a man can feel threatened or even emasculated by a very patriotic wife, which can also lead to marital infidelity.  After years of humiliation by the Republicans, followed by some serious soul-searching, I've come to appreciate my wife's patriotism as one of her most alluring qualities."  

The Rotting Onion is honored to have been contacted directly by Mr. Gingrich, who thanked us for our sensitive treatment of very controversial subject matter.  "If, by my mistakes, I can help other American couples, in this great nation of ours, who are suffering the effects of 'patriotic infidelity,' I will consider it an honor to have served my country in this way."

Written by Diana Shapiro

Photo from Reuters.  Thank you!


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