Monday, July 4, 2011

Violence Erupts as Librarians Take to the Streets

Berkeley, CA

Librarians took to the streets late this morning, in what appeared, at first, to be a non-violent protest against proposed funding cuts to local libraries.  They marched through downtown Berkeley, carrying signs such as, "Cease the Diminution of Pecuniary Resources!" and "We Hold Nefarious Politicians in Disesteem!"
At about 2 p.m. the librarians gathered near the downtown Berkeley BART (commuter train) station to sing protest songs. Commuter Tom Ruby reports, "I stopped and listened for a few minutes. It didn't sound very good, but I was impressed that they sang 'We Shall Overcome' in three modern languages and then three ancient ones."

Unexpectedly, the protest took a violent turn at about 2:30 pm. Three storefront windows were smashed, including a deli, a convenience store, and an Italian restaurant. Terrified pedestrians scattered in every direction, while the librarians raided the three establishments.  "I guess they were really hungry," said witness Emily Perea, owner of Emily's EZ Shop Deli.  "Still, I wish they would've just come in the front door," she added.

Reference librarian Judy Belgrad was the lone voice of reason in the midst of the chaos.  "I tried to explain to them that skipping lunch for the rally may have caused some of our blood glucose levels to drop below 70mg, a condition known as hypoglycemia.  Hypoglycemia can lead to irritability, and sometimes aggression.  I told them if they had any doubts, they should consult the Journal of American Medicine, Vol. V, March issue for a more in-depth exploration of the topic. Needless to say, they disregarded my counsel."

Berkeley police arrived on the scene at  2:45 pm and arrested the disgraced bookworms.  With blood sugar restored to normal levels, the contrite librarians apologized to the business owners and agreed to pay for all damages.  In return, the storekeepers decided to drop all criminal charges.  "On behalf of all of us," declared Acquisitions Librarian Rebecca Wood, "we are compunctious regarding our sordid comportment."


  1. I could just picture this happening in Berkeley! Rarified air contrbuted something no doubt. 6 languages for singing one song is nothing less than one would expect from this elite group. I hear the French revolution song in my head Marchon, Marchon to accompany there protest.

  2. Loved the singing in 3 ancient languages. All power to the librarians of the world! Once a librarian, always a librarian

  3. Thanks for commenting, you two. Librarians rock!

  4. Very funny! I loved "Cease the Diminution of Pecuniary Resources!" and "We Hold Nefarious Politicians in Disesteem!" Perserere with the monumental travail, Diana! -Kate

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  6. Dewey owned a sawed-off rifle, have you heard?

  7. Duck! Someone's throwing a dictionary! I love this one. What's a librarian? We're almost at the point of, "What's a book?" Go, librarians, go! Go forth and embrace the printed page!