Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Male Ladybugs Speak Out

Madrid, Spain

After centuries of silence, male ladybugs are finally speaking out about the humiliation of their species name.  They maintain that it has been an uphill battle for them to be taken seriously as the rugged, virile creatures they are.  Instead, they are seen as dainty, feminine, and cute, an insult to their male sensibilities.

Rambo, one of the most outspoken of the disgruntled beetles, had this to say.  "We are tired of being treated as if we were delicate, light-weight, pretty, polka dotted little things.  It insults our masculinity.  I can take on the most manly men out there.  David Beckham?  I'll make mincemeat out of him.  Arnold Schwarzenagger?  Just let me at him."

Rambo's brother Lester commented that many male ladybugs, Rambo being a prime example,  feel that they have to overcompensate for the species name by displaying their most masculine characteristics and burying their feminine side.  "You know," he explained, "we do things like intentionally leave the toilet seat up, grunt, spit every now and then....A guy's gotta keep up appearances."

Any change of species name may be slow to catch on, however, considering that the word 'ladybug' has been in use since the Middle Ages.  Still, the determined arthropods have claimed that they will persist in their efforts until a more suitable name is adopted. 

Legend has it that in the Middle Ages, when crops were infested with pests, farmers prayed to the Virgin Mary for help.  Soon, they began to see colorful, little beetles in their fields and the crops were miraculously saved.  Hence, the name "ladybug" after the Virgin Mary.  (In Germany, they are called "Marienkafer" or Mary bugs.)  The male ladybugs have proposed several alternatives that preserve the religious spirit of their species name, including "Divine Daddy Bugs" and "Super-Manly Savior Beetles."

Said Rambo, "We'll fight this to the end, because we are not going to take this #$%* anymore.  We're you're worst nightmare!  We'll make you wish you were never born!  #$%&**!!!   #$%%%*  #@$$*  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!."

Written by Diana Shapiro
Photo Courtesy of stonewayhardware.com



  1. Beings in privileged groups make such a fuss when just one thing doesn't go their way, don't they?