Monday, April 17, 2017

Trump' Appoints The Riddler, The Joker and The Penguin to Top Positions

Washington D.C.

Violating ethics codes regarding the appointment of well-known television villains to important government positions, Donald Trump has appointed Batman's worst enemies to major roles in Washington. 

Previous to these latest appointments, the Trump administration seemed to favor little-known villains, people the common man or woman previously knew nothing about.  This marks the first time that the President has chosen prominent evildoers of this fame and stature for such important roles.

Leading government ethics official, Yubi Lyon, had this to say about the appointments.  "It's not only the character of these men that is of concern, but also the conflicts of interests that they represent."

The Riddler has been named Top Literary Advisor to the White House.  Over the past five years, he has been lobbying in Washington for the removal of novels and short stories from public school English classes, in favor of riddles, which he claims are more accessible and better suited to children's decreasing attention spans.

The Joker has been appointed to the White House Committee on Sexual Morality. Rumored to be a closeted gay villain himself, he is known for the viciously homophobic positions he takes in public, as opposed to the more flexible positions he assumes while dancing to Donna Summer at the popular Micky's West Hollywood gay nightclub.  According to former Star Trek legend, George Takei, "Closeted gay people are the absolute worst homophobes.  And if you have any doubt about the Joker, just think about why he never killed Batman in spite of multiple opportunities over three seasons on network television."

The Penguin will now be the top Fashion Consultant to the White House.  He will advise the
President and his family/staff about how to appear elegant and refined while not-so-secretly planning to take over the world and rid the planet of distasteful heroes who are brave enough to fight for the good of humanity.

No one in the Trump administration was available for comment on the new appointees.

Meanwhile, in Gothem City, The Caped Crusader is having his own wardrobe adjusted.  "I've put on a few pounds since 1968," he admitted, "and I want to make sure I look good before Robin gets here."  The Boy Wonder, having spent the last four decades trying to prove his heterosexual manliness to all in doubt, reports that he is "relieved to drop the charade" and return to his "one and only."

Written by Diana Shapiro
Joker and Riddler photos courtesy of, Penguin photo courtesy of

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