Republican Hopefuls Compete in Dance-a-Thon Fundraiser

Washington D.C.

Desperate for funds in a difficult economic climate, The Republican National Committee (RNC) has scheduled a  Dance-a Thon to raise money for the 2012 Republican presidential hopefuls.  The event will be attended by all declared and soon-to-be-declared Republican candidates as well as private citizens who have raised at least $5000 in pledges.

After Professional Massage, Senator John McCain Switches to Democratic Party

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Washington, D.C. 

Republican Senator John McCain made a shocking announcement this morning.  After receiving his first professional massage last night, McCain has changed his party affiliation.  The McCains appeared together at a press conference this morning.

Bert and Ernie in Bitter Divorce Battle

Hollywood, CA

After 41 years together, tv’s favorite gay couple, Bert and Ernie, have decided to part ways.  Bert looked more angry than sad at the press conference this morning outside their Hollywood home.   “Finally, I’ll be able to get some sleep,” he said.  “If Ernie wasn’t staying up eating cookies in his bed, he was counting sheep and fire engines.  I haven’t had a good night sleep in 41 years.”

Violence Erupts as Librarians Take to the Streets

Berkeley, CA

Librarians took to the streets late this morning, in what appeared, at first, to be a non-violent protest against proposed funding cuts to local libraries.  They marched through downtown Berkeley, carrying signs such as, "Cease the Diminution of Pecuniary Resources!" and "We Hold Nefarious Politicians in Disesteem!"

Babies Protest Mushy Food

Angry babies protest mushy food

Berkeley, CA

Does your baby cry before being fed?  After?  Contrary to popular belief,  babies do not cry from hunger or from indigestion.   After thousands of years of misunderstanding, babies in Berkeley, CA are now coming forward to tell the truth about their tears.