Surgeons Perform First Successful Personality Transplant

Before

After

Hummingbirds Warn Against Unhealthy Lifestyle

Hummingbirds across the U.S. are speaking out with a very serious warning.  Eating too much sugar, they say, combined with overworking, has deleterious effects on one's physical and mental well-being. 

Teenage Couple Has Never Met

Photo of boys cropped together with Photoshop

Santa Rosa, CA  and Fremont, CA

Sam Blescoe, 16 has been dating his boyfriend, Daniel Mendoza, 15, for one year.  The boys live one hundred miles away from each other and attend different schools.  What's more,  Sam and Daniel have never actually met. 

President Obama Announces Temporary Freeze on America's Most Common Names

Washington D.C.  

 If you are expecting a new addition to your family, you can count on paying a heavy tax penalty if you insist on choosing one of ten newly prohibited names announced by President Obama at a press conference this morning.  The moratorium, effective immediately, seeks to dissuade new usage of the ten most common names in the U.S. 

To Trim Or To Pluck?

Lou DeCris Sued Revlon Over
Nose Hair Plucker

Lake Wobegon, MN

Revlon was acquitted today in a small claims case brought
by consumer, Lou DeCris of Lake Wobegon, MN.  DeCris claimed that he mistakenly purchased a manual nose hair "plucker" online, when what he really wanted was a battery-operated nose hair "trimmer".  When he sent the product back, Revlon refused the return.

Meditator Gains Insight into Everyone Besides Herself

Joy Luss (48), in her meditation posture.

Berkeley, CA

Joy Luss, (48), has been practicing meditation consistently for over three years.   She originally began in order to bring more peace, clarity, and calm into her busy life.

Alleged Terrorist's Jacket Found at Detroit Metro Airport

Detroit, MI

The jacket of an alleged terrorist was found this morning at Detroit Metro Airport.  The abandoned jacket was discovered at 10 a.m. by an airport janitor, who immediately notified her supervisor of the potential security risk.  Airport staff declared a red alert, canceled all scheduled departures and re-routed arrivals through nearby airports.