U.S. Postal Service to Sell Hamburgers?

The U.S. Post Office may soon sell hamburgers

Anytown, U.S.A.  

The U.S. Postal Service is in deep financial crisis and can no longer support itself.  Fortunately, this serious issue is being creatively addressed by Republican Presidential hopeful Mitt Romney.

Scandal in the Stacks: New Reality Show Features Indecorous Librarians

Bernadette, Collections Librarian

Berkeley, CA

If you are like most people, you have a secret fantasy about a racy and salacious encounter with a librarian in the stacks.  Perhaps your fantasy librarian looks something like Bernadette or Horace.  And if you are like most people,  these brainy and bodacious public employees have remained hopelessly out of reach all your life.

Horace, Acquisitions Librarian

Sadly, the fantasy that rocked your world years ago is now a distant memory, and an embarrassing one at that.  You probably haven't even mentioned it to your spouse.  Perhaps it has since been replaced by even more lascivious fantasies, such as being marooned on a desert island with Woody Allen.

If you are like most people, here is the news you have been waiting for. Next week, a new reality show premieres on FOX starring eight bawdy, indecorous and dangerously uninhibited librarians.

Red-Nosed Rudolph in Republican Race!

Santa's House

North Pole                             

 In breaking news, Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer has joined the Republican primary race. In explaining his late entrance, Rudolph stated that with all the obfuscation offered by the current candidates, he can surely shed light on the issues facing America today.  In fact, his ability to shed light is the reason Santa first hired him (and his luminous nose) as a beacon to guide his sleigh on that fateful Christmas night over seventy years ago.

Republican Hopefuls Compete in Dance-a-Thon Fundraiser

Washington D.C.

Desperate for funds in a difficult economic climate, The Republican National Committee (RNC) has scheduled a  Dance-a Thon to raise money for the 2012 Republican presidential hopefuls.  The event will be attended by all declared and soon-to-be-declared Republican candidates as well as private citizens who have raised at least $5000 in pledges.

After Professional Massage, Senator John McCain Switches to Democratic Party

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Washington, D.C. 

Republican Senator John McCain made a shocking announcement this morning.  After receiving his first professional massage last night, McCain has changed his party affiliation.  The McCains appeared together at a press conference this morning.

Bert and Ernie in Bitter Divorce Battle

Hollywood, CA

After 41 years together, tv’s favorite gay couple, Bert and Ernie, have decided to part ways.  Bert looked more angry than sad at the press conference this morning outside their Hollywood home.   “Finally, I’ll be able to get some sleep,” he said.  “If Ernie wasn’t staying up eating cookies in his bed, he was counting sheep and fire engines.  I haven’t had a good night sleep in 41 years.”

Violence Erupts as Librarians Take to the Streets

Berkeley, CA

Librarians took to the streets late this morning, in what appeared, at first, to be a non-violent protest against proposed funding cuts to local libraries.  They marched through downtown Berkeley, carrying signs such as, "Cease the Diminution of Pecuniary Resources!" and "We Hold Nefarious Politicians in Disesteem!"