Easter Bunny May Not Be Deemed an Essential Worker

Hole in the Ground, Easter Island
April 9, 2020

As April 12 approaches, the Easter Bunny is busy laying colored eggs with the hope of delivering them to children everywhere.  However, it remains to be seen whether her work will be considered "essential" in the time of coronavirus.

Pickpockets Speak Out About Coronavirus

Pickpocketing down as a result of coronavirus

Kansas City, Missouri

The economic hardship of the coronavirus is hitting the nation's pickpockets disproportionately.  Pickpocketing is now down 80%, and many pickpockets find themselves out of work, unable to apply for unemployment, and ineligible for federal stimulus money.

Children Passionate About Grammar Engage in Vicious Brawl

San Francisco, CA

Two sixth graders with differing
grammatical points of view

Chaos errupted in a six grade class yesterday, as students at Moscone Elementary School turned violent over a disagreement about the letter "W."  Debate continues about whether or not the letter "W" can be used as a vowel, however it appears that the children are now calm and under control.

Dangerous Criminal Finally Apprehended

Oakland, CA

U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement has apprehended the dangerous criminal, Teodora Mendoza Ramirez, who has been living illegally in California for over thirty years.  In addition to breaking immigration laws, Mrs. Mendoza Ramirez received a ticket for jaywalking in 1997.  Several years later, in 2001, she was arrested for selling hand-sewn cortes and huipiles (traditional Guatemalan attire) to neighbors without a license.  Oakland residents can finally rest easy, knowing that she is behind bars.

House Husband Dissatisfied with Monthly Allowance

Berkeley, CA

Scott Reed, house husband in West Berkeley, complains that his wife, Linda has been shortchanging him on his monthly allowance.  “Back in 2009, I lost my job at Down-and Up Burger.  Rather than look for some other dead-end job, I decided to stay home and take care of the house.”  At that point, Linda took over paying for food, rent, and bills. 

Overpopulation Problem Fuels Anti-Baby Sentiment World-Wide

There are close to 7 billion human beings on earth today, and experts project that there may be up to 10.5 billion in 2050.  

Population growth is one of the biggest challenges facing our world today.   The world population has doubled since 1965, and as a result, parking spaces are fewer and farther between, lines are longer at grocery stores worldwide, and it is nearly impossible to hail a cab.  As frustration levels rise, anti-baby sentiment is increasing.

United Flight Attendant Slaps Passenger Who Refused to Eat His Vegetables

Taipei, Taiwan

Alotta Greens Warns Passenger Before

Slapping Him Across the Face

In an incident that has startled and appalled United customers worldwide, Senior United Flight Attendant, Alotta Greens, slapped six-year old passenger, Billy Bianchi, for refusing to eat his vegetables during a non-stop flight from New York to Taipei last night.