Tuesday, June 1, 2021

Pigeon Afraid of Heights, Forced to Take Public Transit

Prescilla prefers the window seat
Sacramento, CA

Prescilla (2), a pigeon born and raised in Roseville, CA, may be the first bird to publicly admit her fear of heights.  Ever since she fell from her nest as a young chick, sustaining several scrapes and cuts as well as a bruised ego, Prescilla has shied away from flying in favor of taking ground transportation.

Tuesday, May 25, 2021

Family in Uproar Over Grandma's Apple Cake Recipe


Florence Cohen thinks her family is 'meshugeneh.'
Berkeley, CA

Florence Cohen, 91, is a Russian Jewish immigrant, a proud mother of three,  and grandmother of five.  As the matriarch of her family, Florence is known for being generous, kind and hospitable.  She is also known for her skill in the kitchen, most notably her other-worldly apple cake, which she has been making for her children and grandchildren since they can remember.

Monday, May 24, 2021

Donald Trump to Volunteer at Local Animal Shelter


West Palm Beach, Florida

Former President Trump, finding himself with more time on his hands recently, has decided to volunteer at a local, non-profit animal shelter.   

"I'm coming to really appreciate animals, dogs especially," said Mr. Trump.  "They're loyal to a fault.  They don't turn on you no matter how much of a jackass you are.  Whatever absurdity comes out of your mouth doesn't faze them one bit.  I think I've found my perfect audience."

Saturday, May 1, 2021

Perfectly Good Date Ruined by Foul Manners

Barbarian Tracy Lawrence licks her plate
 Berkeley, CA


Last night, a perfectly good first date was ruined when Tracy Lawrence (37) picked up her plate to lick the remaining bechamel sauce from her delicious vegetable lasagna.  Her date, Ron Crystal (43), watched helplessly as the spectacle unfolded.   

Wednesday, December 16, 2020

5 Sexiest Men of 2020





 


The Rotting Onion has chosen our 5 sexiest men of 2020!  This year's bad boys are a distinguished group of celebs that will knock your socks off!



Sunday, December 13, 2020

An apology, Donald Trump Style

 

Washington D.C. 

The moment we have all been waiting for is finally here.  In a uncharacteristically somber moment, President Trump issued an apology to the American people for trying to overturn the democratic election of Joe Biden/Kamala Harris, for failing to respond to the global pandemic and allowing over 300,000 American deaths, for disrespecting women, for not taking a firm stand against white supremacy and extremism, and more generally for being a "nudnik" over the past four years.

"I have been a nudnik," he told the press, "but I have done a tremendous job of it.  No one in all of American history, except possibly Richard Nixon, has been a bigger nudnik than I have," he boasted.

Thursday, November 12, 2020

Million Maga March! Be there or Be....

Million MAGA March on Saturday in D.C.






Washington D.C. 


For all those loyal Americans who refuse to acknowledge the outcome of a fair but morally illegitimate election process, your presence is requested at 12 noon at the Freedom Plaza on Saturday in Washington D.C.  

If you feel that your 1st amendment rights have been violated due to your membership in QAnon, Proud Boys, or other Pro-American organizations, you are not alone.  If you feel that you have been discriminated against in this country for being white, don't back down, for you are in the company of great people who would rather kill than see this democracy continue.   If you feel that President Trump has done a tremendous job of handling the coronavirus epidemic, please don't listen to the families of the 250,000 who have supposedly died from the disease.  It is a complete hoax.  Democrats have furnished no proof that those 250,000 people are really dead.  They might actually be hidden in a secret cave guarded by Democrats, the same cave in which they hide child molesters from would-be prosecutors until their offenses are long forgotten.  

It is time to make America great again!  For the past 50+ years, things are getting steadily worse for white Americans, and it is time to take our country back.  

Right now, the median white family makes 41 x more than the median black family, but do you remember the good old days when that number was much higher?  

Unlike in the good old days, today, 45% of blacks and Latinos now own their homes (as compared to 72% among white families).  There was a time when that disparity was much greater.   Those times were greater, much greater.

Today, the average white working American makes only 28% more than the average black American and 35% more than the average Latino worker.  Our lead is getting smaller and smaller due to reverse discrimination at all levels, affirmative action, employment discrimination, and so on.  For example, white workers have been discouraged in alarming proportions from becoming migrant farm workers, a profession in which Latinos now dominate, intimidating whites by speaking Spanish all day in the fields.   Imagine.

Our once all-white government is now being inundated with extremist Democrats "of color."  22% of the U.S. Congress is now made up of racial minorities.  Given that in the U.S. population, white Americans of European descent still hold a majority 60% of the population, it stands to reason that the government should reflect this majority by excluding members who clearly do not have the well-being of the majority in mind.

In an exclusive Rotting Onion interview with White Nationalist leader, Alotta Crapp, one of the organizers of the MAGA event, she had this to say about Saturday's event. "We need to make this country great again.  I mean let's face it.  This place is hell on earth.  My shithead of a boyfriend left me.  I'm in debt.  I'm fat and out of shape.   And I'm pissed as hell."  When asked what any of this had to do with politics, Crapp replied, "For all I know, my shithead boyfriend probably left me for an illegal.  I'm in debt because all the good jobs are going to the illegals.  And I'm fat and out of shape, well....I guess that one's on me."   
 



Photo Courtesy of naplesnews.com