Donald Trump: "Deeply Misunderstood"

Washington D.C.

In a press conference this morning, Donald Trump complained of being "deeply misunderstood" by the American people, and stated that "if you would just get to know me, you'd see that  I'm a real pussycat."  The Rotting Onion did some research into the matter and found that the President has indeed been misread and misinterpreted, mostly by competing fake newspapers (with a liberal bent), who have portrayed him as a heartless tyrant when, in fact, he is a God-fearing, humble and kind-hearted family man.

Exclusive Interview with Kellyanne Conway

February 15, 2017

In an intimate and exclusive interview with the Rotting Onion, Kellyanne Conway gets real about her personal life.

RO:  Good morning, Kellyanne.

KAC: Good morning, and a good, fine morning it is.  I'm fine, too. Thank you for asking.

RO: Uh...yes, you're welcome.  Kellyanne, tell us a little about your childhood.  I understand you grew up in New Jersey.

The Rotting Onion Apologies for Long Absence

Berkeley, CA

Three Rotting Onion staff members on
November 9, 2016 .

The staff of The Rotting Onion would like to apologize for its long silence since November 9, 2016.  Coincidentally, since the day after the Presidential election,  there was an outbreak of a rare medical syndrome that affected all of our staff writers.

Oakland Couple Long Overdue for Vacation

Oakland, CA

Ben and May researching crime
rates in Mexico. 

Ben Toolong and May Kalapz have not been on vacation in over ten years and are long overdue. The reason?  They simply can't decide where to go.

Ben and May both have months of  accrued vacation time at their jobs. They work long hours, in addition to their many volunteer activities. Burnout set in a long time ago, and they both acknowledge that a vacation is needed, now more than ever.

Woman Wins Free Trip From Automated Telephone System

Denver, CO

Ivada Nuff (53) made a call to United Airlines last night at approximately 8 pm.  She soon found herself embroiled in the most frustrating conversation of her life.

Republicans Require Democratic Governor to Stand on One Foot

Madison, Wisconsin

In a rush to pass legislation before incoming Democratic Governor Tony Evers takes office in January, Republicans in Wisconsin have voted to require Evers to stand on one leg throughout his term in office.  The bill, aptly known as the One-Legged Balancing Act, has been criticized by Democrats as a blatant assault on Democracy, a desperate attempt by Republicans to limit the efficacy of the incoming Democratic Governor.  Republicans, however, vehemently deny that the bill had partisan motivations.  Here are some of their arugments:

Trump Family Dog Moves to White House in January

Cupcake Trump 

New York, NY

To celebrate their recent victory, Donald and Melania Trump adopted  "Cupcake," a mixed Terrier puppy last week, who will supersede Bo, the Obamas' handsome Portuguese Water Dog, as White House mascot and companion.

Bo Obama

Melania told reporters that "Donald picked out and named Cupcake" and that she "had wanted a Rottweiler" but ceded to her husband because "his eyes filled with tears when he saw Cupcake at the shelter in her little pink ribbons."


"That's right," reported President Elect Trump.  "People don't realize how sensitive I am.  I took one look at Cupcake and melted."

Cupcake has quickly found her way into the hearts of her new parents.  "She sits on my lap while I watch Saturday Night Live and Rachel Madow," said President Elect Trump.  "I've been crying a lot lately because of all the people criticizing and making fun of me.  Cupcake cheers me up, because she loves me unconditionally...I can even share my deepest, tenderest feelings regarding White Nationalism and Male Supremacy, and unlike everyone else, she doesn't give me any flack.  I've been longing for someone who sees how great I am, someone who worships me, whose whole world revolves around me.  I thought being President would fill that emotional gap, but truthfully, if Cupcake had come into my life earlier, I may not have run in the first place."

Melania expressed similar enthusiasm about the new family member.  "One of the things I most appreciate about Cupcake is that she never barks orders at me, like 'Melania, make my dinner!, Melania, iron my clothes!'  She treats me like a human being and she never, ever grabs me where she shouldn't.  I finally feel like I have some respect in this family."





Written by Diana Shapiro
Photo of Cupcake courtesy of pinterest.com
Photo of Bo courtesy of Wikipedia.com